You’re a freak, like me.

Anyways I saw these two pictures of Big Bang and I thought they were just so adorable.

Big Bang’s biggest fanboy: Seungri, Panda boy, V.I., Victory, Lee Seung Hyun.

Ha-ha, his hyung are always looking at him ^_-

Look at the smiles on their faces, to cute.

I found this CD that someone burned me a long time, its Blood on the Dance Floor. Well before the other guy left and I can’t believe I use to like this type of music, ha.

So we went shopping for Christmas gifts today, and we got everyone, but me gifts, because I don’t like mainstream stuff, just kidding. But they only things I would lie for Christmas they’d buy it from a small store near an abandon Ralphs, where the lady only speaks Korean and the only words I've spoke to her were “big bang, 2ne1.” So I jokingly laugh saying “You still have my gift left.” My sister, looking me in the eyes, DEAD serious, said, “OH CRAP! I forgot, I-I … you’ll get your gift after Christmas.” I just pretended like everything was okay. But later she asked for that she has wanted for a while and said “when can I get it?” so I said “After Christmas.” I was mad, how can she forget me -.- Well I know it’s not that hard, but she’s usually been the one to remember me, but it’s fading, she’s forgetting me too. We went to places and did other stuff. My sister’s car has been broken, I guess you can say, so my brother had to take us everywhere, and he doesn't like doing anything for anyone, so he was acting like an ass the whole time .-. And I’m a VERY indecisive person, so when my sister asked what we wanted to eat, my brother ignored her and said I don’t care you usually know what to get, and I asked what she was in the mood for, because it’s her money and what if I pick something and no one wants it, and even when I have picked, she still chose in the end, so I don’t understand why everyone’s so anal about it.

Also I found it funny, when I said “I should have just sat down in front of the car, because that lady was being too hasty.” Or something like that and my sister asked what hasty meant, ha. It makes me laugh; because she always talks about how Math is my best subject and how English is her best, only because she is an English major.  

What else do I talk about? I mean my depression is like weird, or how do I word this, It’s not that server. And mixed with my anxiety, I've just been a ball of emotion. Right now I’m in the right mind so I can talk about it. I had a withdrawal.  I mean, something that happened to me when I was young, that made me hate myself. So lately the memories had come back, and I wasn't able to keep them under control.  My family isn't really so understanding of what is happening to me. This happened to my brother, but more server, and I was supposed to be the normal child. Nothing like this was supposed to happen; I’m stronger than them (my siblings). And good at hiding my feeling, so when no one noticed that for a month I cried myself to sleep it was normal. But when I accidently wore really short shorts to sleep and my dad saw the cuts on my legs, saying “It’s just a phase, you’ll get over it,” was supposed to be enough.  It’s just weird. I wish I could tell people this is another reason I lose focus a lot. I mean to pay attention, but it’s just my mind is always trying to distract me for other things, things I don’t want to remember. Reason as to why I like people who change subjects fast.

I randomly feel like writing, should we go onto my love life? HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA … I wish I had one.  But like most girls out there I have someone who I fancy. No saying ‘crush’ it makes me think I’m going to crush the person.  He’s someone who I don’t know a lot about, but the little bit I know, has really moved me. I’m sorta comfortable about him. I don’t really feel like talking about him now, ha. Although, he uses ‘lol’ and I hate it, SO MUCH, sometimes he’ll just text me back ‘lol’ and I want to yell at him.

Let’s talk about something else. Like how I’m a sucker for corny and sappy crap. Or how I hate curse words.

Sappy stuff first. In my past to relationships, that ended badly, I've never been someone for public affection; I do like the old style stuff. That no one is in our business and the only people who need to know that we’re in love is ourselves. So these little moments are like a big deal to mean, and hardly anyone does these things, because they’re not cool.  So it’s not much, but I also like guys who can rap, or just sing.

Curse words. Ugh having to live with a dad like mine, you’d think I’m over them. Well you’re wrong, I hate them, and they annoy me. Are they really that necessary? Can’t you use another word, or just re-word your sentence so there doesn't even need to be one? These words remind me of yelling, and when someone says them, I think of someone being scolded or about to be in hurt. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s just annoying, but it’s something I’m hypocritical about, also. I saw them, not all the time, but they do slip out.