Boring ~

So I lied to you guys, and sorta some of my friends. My family in fact doesn’t know anything about my problems, with cutting and all or my depression.  Yes there are other ways to find out if I have these problems. I talked to some people asked about my ‘friend’ who has these symptoms to find out if I should have that friend some help. And of course the people I was talking to, who were professionals, didn’t question is. As to why they didn’t … I never asked. Maybe they thought I was going to get help for myself, again I never asked. But I thought that if I told people, and even you guys, this little fantasy I had of myself being okay, and people thought I was going to be okay, and then I could pretend.  But since my family does not know, I have to be careful with scars, and blood getting on clothes. My sister accidently saw my scars on my legs a few days ago. I told her that the dogs gave them to me, I told that same lie to my mom about a few months ago, but for other scars. I’m happy no one is noticing, because if you didn’t know my dad and brother went through these things. I was just always a loner at home, and they were social, so it’s weird. My dad use to talk about my brother just saying, “It’s a phase, he’ll get over it soon.” So that’s always been my way of looking at what I’m going through.

I’m sorry, so very sorry. I just thought that if I continued this lie with you guys, then in my mind everything would be okay.  I’m just not ready to tell them, and I would like to keep this to myself and not let anyone know except the 3 people in my life that know.

And I haven’t updated in a while, haha. I’m back home, and actually go out here. Well not a lot, but enough to keep me from writing. Well tonight I went out, for a little while to support some, but I’m getting sick, so I couldn’t stay long, about a half a hour. I was on my sister’s phone the whole time, like on tumblr, haha. I still can’t talk a lot, in fact a few words, and then I start to cough, a lot. I have to carry like 2 water bottles with me, ugh. SO HEAVY!

I’ll talk to you guy later bye bye.