if you saw the post before this HAHAHAHAHAHa.

don't judge it made me laugh.

"A well dressed man is more attractive to me than a shirtless man with a six pack." 

oh fuck yes to this ^^ I mean come on. I just going to say that and Happy New Years, or eve, whatever floats your boat. I told y'all but I don't really write a lot when I'm at home, and I messed up my space button, so it's funny. 

well my new years eve will be spent baby sitting, and I don't even care. two years ago i spent it alone, and last year it was alone, but I was watching bridezilla with my sister, sorta. we were watching the same show, just in different cities. only if i had a friend I could do that with, but like we were webcaming at the same time so it would be cute. 

their CD, Kpop for lovers, is PERFECT. only if i had a boyfriend who liked remixed, not necessarily kpop, but was okay with it. But yeah this CD is dope, haha, never using that word again. 

Let's talk about these kids I'm going to babysit, one is 14, one is 10 or 9, and the other is 3, i think. but the freakin' 14 year old is ugh, he always ask me if I'm dating someone (and i lie saying yes). but my dad said that if i babysit them then i'd be able to handle them. i mean i grew up with boys, they call me the "Queen" at my house, no lie, my family always says, "the queen woke up, the queen is hungry, blah blah." but i really wanted to do something this year, I could last minute bail out if someone asks me to go with them, b/c my mom can babysit them, but ugh. i need friends, and sorta, its sad to say this, but i'm getting use to the loneliness again, only one person was able to take me away from this "feeling" twice, but i don't want to go to that person again, although janga at 3 am in the morning is fun.

Boredom! (._.)

I don’t like people, at all. Everyone gets on my nerves, it takes SO much for me to a like a person, sure at first people either will think two things:

1.       She’s really shy, and quiet, or

2.       She’s a bitch, and I hate her.

Only because I come off like that, haha. Side note: it’s cold where I live and we went to freakin’ McDonalds, so I bought a smoothie and I’m shaking.  But back to what I was saying I don’t mean to, but that’s how it’s always been. So there is only one way to find out if I like you, as a friend. I become ‘mean’ with you, like I make fun of you, or talk about how bad you are at sex. Or stupid stuff, but if ‘m always nice to you, and sticking up for you in stupid little fights that are jokes, then I most likely don’t enjoy your company. There have been a few people who I’m like this with, only because I felt they wanted to be to in my life, I repeat felt. They all sucked in the end, though, TRUST NO BITCH. Just kidding, I’m like a teenager, so these people, I won’t know in the future, who knows my closet friend I might not even talk to next year. But if we really want it to last, then we would put an effort to doing to.

I just want to go to the movie theaters, UGH. I have a ride, money, but no one to come with me. This was been bothering me for a while, I should start going out more, but with who. As you can tell I don’t have a lot of friends. But then again I’m used to it. My ‘friends’ usually go out with me. Then again, I can be a Debby Downer (and major douche) if you wake me up before 9 a.m.

OH this blog has over 500 views! Haha I thought I wouldn’t even get over 100, so yay!

I’ll tell you 7(Se7en’s going to enlist into the army in 2013 -cries-) things about my self

1.       I have a horrible addiction to chap-stick.

2.       I listen to music every day, without it I might do something I regret.

3.       If I don’t have gum, or a caffeinated drink, I become a very mean person.

4.       I’m obsessed with me hair, and lie to people about how it naturally looks.

5.       My style of clothes is different then, when I’m out with friends.

6.       I’m really good at math, but used to pretend to be really bad at it so a guy I liked could help me at it. (He ended up moving, telling me “You should have confessed, I liked you, too.”)

7.       A LOT of people have told me not to tell the guy I like, currently, my feelings for him, because it won’t matter to him in the end. But really I don’t like having these feelings and want them to go away, and usually when I tell the person I like them, they go away (sorta). But ehh, I’ll listen to them

Anyways those didn’t matter; I’d tell you about those things sooner or later. I would say if you guys ever wanted to talk comment, but that’s never racking. So I’ve put my tumblr on here right? Maybe? But if you have a bad day and you want to yell at someone who will listen, I’ll listen

Bigbang-imnida.tumblr.com <- go there and you can gladly go on anon, just to yell about, how much you studied for a test, but failed, or how you managed to lose your favorite pencil. I should also I get quite nervous just going on anon, too. But I like hearing your guy’s problems, they distract me from mine.

ALSO so touch a tree.

Gif?

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

You see I write most of these things offline, and I was supposed to go online at 12:00, but it’s 12:14 and I can’t so, top 7 songs played on iPod?(not in order)

1.       Dumbfoundead – New Chick

2.       Miss A -  Breathe (Chinese Version)

3.       Big Bang – A Good Man

4.       Nicki Minaj – Stupid Hoe

5.       Lily Allen – Not Fair

6.       Fun. – Some Nights (intro)

7.       McFly – Love is Easy

(so Big Bang had most of the songs, but I only put up one, and added the next  songs)

Boring ~

So I lied to you guys, and sorta some of my friends. My family in fact doesn’t know anything about my problems, with cutting and all or my depression.  Yes there are other ways to find out if I have these problems. I talked to some people asked about my ‘friend’ who has these symptoms to find out if I should have that friend some help. And of course the people I was talking to, who were professionals, didn’t question is. As to why they didn’t … I never asked. Maybe they thought I was going to get help for myself, again I never asked. But I thought that if I told people, and even you guys, this little fantasy I had of myself being okay, and people thought I was going to be okay, and then I could pretend.  But since my family does not know, I have to be careful with scars, and blood getting on clothes. My sister accidently saw my scars on my legs a few days ago. I told her that the dogs gave them to me, I told that same lie to my mom about a few months ago, but for other scars. I’m happy no one is noticing, because if you didn’t know my dad and brother went through these things. I was just always a loner at home, and they were social, so it’s weird. My dad use to talk about my brother just saying, “It’s a phase, he’ll get over it soon.” So that’s always been my way of looking at what I’m going through.

I’m sorry, so very sorry. I just thought that if I continued this lie with you guys, then in my mind everything would be okay.  I’m just not ready to tell them, and I would like to keep this to myself and not let anyone know except the 3 people in my life that know.

And I haven’t updated in a while, haha. I’m back home, and actually go out here. Well not a lot, but enough to keep me from writing. Well tonight I went out, for a little while to support some, but I’m getting sick, so I couldn’t stay long, about a half a hour. I was on my sister’s phone the whole time, like on tumblr, haha. I still can’t talk a lot, in fact a few words, and then I start to cough, a lot. I have to carry like 2 water bottles with me, ugh. SO HEAVY!

I’ll talk to you guy later bye bye.

OMG I'M SO HAPPY, i CAN DANCE TO SONGS NOW :DDDDD
TROUBLE MAKER ~~~~ 

One does not know how sexy that dance really is. okay well i use to have this friend, whose name starts with a L and he was asian, I miss texting him, we'd talk about all the things I like for hours, but then again, I found that sorta annoying because he should talk about stuff also, but whatever. bye

my old best friends Ana and Mia, are back. ugh 

4 weeks for me, 8 weeks for family&family and 12 for the rest of the world.

"perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect"

hopefully this time i'll do better.

i just need support.

LEON!!! LEON!!!!

Did yoU KNOW THAT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN PERSONALIZED WRAPPING PAPER? I'm so doing that next year, and my face will be on it SO I DON'T HAVE TO SAY WHO ITS FROM.
My caps locks be cray cray today. Haha no. Well I got all excited, and I would probably yell this at you irl. Not many people have been yelled at by me, my voice gets all scratchy when i do, ha. I went shopping for clothes today, and I bet people from my school with not even see a quarter of what I bought. My fashion is no for their eyes, I mean like who am I trying to impress?
So I grew up with video games, and the two I became MADLY in love with were Resident Evil and Mortal Kombat. And my favorite Resident Evil Characters were Leon and Ada. And they were both in the newest movies, with other characters from the game but LEON. 

And I give props the the guy who played as him, so handsome.  I just loved how the Movie brought the games together.

 One Love by 1TYM, it never gets old, oh and when they did a cover of it at the yg family concert in 2010 (i think) with Gummy, Dara, Se7en, and Taeyang~ that was beautiful ^_^ Oh and the song that makes me gangsta Teddy-oppa's Put em' Up. Have you heard about the cafe 

1TYM’s Teddy opens his own branch of Twosome Place Cafe!

Twosome Place is a European-style dessert café that offers ‘small indulgence’ through a wide assortment of premium beverages, including deep roasted coffee, and desserts such as mousse, tiramisu, tarts, shortcakes, cupcakes, muffins, yogurt ice cream, macaroon and crème brulee.

1TYM member & YG Family’s main producer Teddy collaborates with the brand, Twosome Place for his own cafe: “Twosome+Studio”.

It was said that the producer Teddy, was directly involved with the interior and exterior designs of the cafe" (source)

So you know support, my favorite leader, if you're ever in Korea, *cough* I have nothing to say except, I'm leaving tomorrow again, -_- but i'll be with my whole family, including dad. He doesn't even like going places >.< But still then, I'll be back home, and I won't be updating that much, but more shopping! I wanted to get an ipod, but why waste money? Did i mention over here in Lancaster is a hipster central? A lot of those hipster blogs that follow me would love to go to the mall over here, it has a lot of stuff I see on their blogs, ha.  I want a instagram !!!! CL AND YG have one -sobs- I need to follow them D: But i don't like taking pictures >_< so yeah, UGH

p.s.  I love my fandom, Imma go Seungri some towels.