I felt horrible today. I was criticized so much for wearing a long sleeved shirts and pants, because I usually don't dress like this. How long has it been since some on noticed. I really wish no one did, because when I went home and took a shower, they still stared. My legs get hot fast, and when my neck is hot, I feel nauseous, so they didn't understand, I started to cut again. I mean my memories are back, it going to take longer for me to "forget" them again. I wish I could tell you my secret memory, but its too much for me to talk about it. It was just a hard/fun day for me. Thankfully I'm going to Lancaster, so no one will be asking questions about my long sleeves. 

I Try, But No Matter What I Fail

(just look at her, she won't let me type, trying to sleep on my laptop)

Sometimes I feel really down, and I have to stop what I'm doing and breathe. It's weird, that's one of the many reason I doze off a lot. But I had that feel this morning, it was weird, I had a very nice dream, woke up to soothing music, then panicked. So I  forgot my breathing exercises, I really don't know why or what made me, but I put a certain song on and it was like everything stopped and I calmed down.

Today? Was gooood~ I got gifts! Although I was really tired. 
Do I have to talk about today, though? ugh -.- hopefully it helps -Oh side note guys is suits, HOT- Okay back to today, I got jealous D: why?!>?!?! You know what I don't want to talk about my day, expect I made a fool out of myself and I learned bad news -/-

someone saw my cut today. I panicked when she asked what happened. I made a lie about falling. I didn't mean to  have this withdrawal, but it comes with the healing processes. 


So anyways, i thought today I would be lonely after school, but i had a good time. I don't wish to go to school tomorrow. AND i don't mean to start drama, but my ex use to love starting it, so its a habit to me. I found a letter I was going to give to him when we were dating, I couldn't get myself to open it. So its just there in my backpack. Um i think i should stop eating lunch again, or pretend like i eat it, b/c i always need to cool my stomach down after I eat, and I don't want to bring juice to school anymore. -_-

There's this guy in my 5th period and he always buys me food .. its weird. He stopped for like two weeks, and when I started to talk to this other guy(who is adorable) b/c his only friend left to another school, he starts buying me things again. He wants my V..

I know I usually don't talk like this, but my mind is clear today, except at the assembly we had to at school today, they guy I sat next to was really nice, and we sang Justin Biebers 'As long as you love me' together. haha

What else is there to say, I don't like half of the girl friends I have at school, at my R.O.P class(after school class) I usually hang out with a lot of guys and today their topic was on girls, great right? -_- And this guy was getting all touchy -.- it made me uncomfortable.

Well bye~ 

these two are TOO adorable 

I understand now, I should stop thinking. I just want it to be break already. 
The more I go into the past, the more I mess with my head. I'm never going to tell him, I'm just going to hope he notices how I feel, and if he doesn't then i guess it will never be. 

UGH!!!!!
help D:

Haru, Haru

are you a big bang fan, and you don't know haru haru ? you better go learn it, and love it and understand why it means so much to us VIP's.  And don't get me started on Lies.

what do i talk about ... my day?

it was good i guess? i had a headache, found out i have a C+ in a class, which is very VERY bad. I know i act like i don't care about my grades, but eh. I do it's just, i don't think its an important thing to flaunt. I've been distracted by a lot of things lately, its hard for we to pay attention, I should tell someone that. I did in fact tell someone about my little break down on Saturday, and how i don't remember making these cuts on my arms, my friend wanted to cry when i let her see them. It made me feel good, someone cared.

Today was an alright day, I sorta want and don't want winter break to come, i wont be able to see him~ or maybe even talk to him. But I'm going to see my grandma. ^.^ My head still hurts and I know i shouldn't have ate that chocolate at lunch, chocolate isn't good for me. Actually its quite bad for me, but no one at school knows X)

I'd like to write more, but they'll start worrying if I don't eat

this made me laugh