So, I'm sure everyone knows about 2NE1's tour? Am I right? I live in L.A. and I can't go to their showing here. I have no money. I was saving money to get a good seat for BIGBANG's, but I feel sad that I can't go to 2NE1s. I really wish I could go, but I can't.
So this is where my problem starts. I cut. I haven't in a while, but I cried when I found out i couldn't get them. My sister, Dad, even grandma tried to get them for me, but I wasn't satisfied. I felt as if they didn't try hard enough. and what did I do, I sat back and expected that they should have gotten them.
I became sick with myself. How did I let it get to me? Sure my sister was also sad, she is a big fan of them, but we didn't have the money.
That night, i grabbed the first thing that was sharp, and cut myself. You see I've always been careful to hide the cuts, but these were deep and on my legs, so now its the summer and I have to hide them, while wearing pants and my family thinks I'm crazy.
I didn't mean for this to happen it just did, since when did I start being so greedy. I never kept my hopes up or even thought that I would be able to see my idols ever. Now I feel as if I don't deserve to see them, that this is my punishment. And my scars will be the proof. I don't want to go through the same thing with BIGBANG.
So, now I wish I can put that to my past, but I know it will take a while. A person can't recover over night, but I can't do it. I'm making excuses, I have five new cuts since that day, but I know it isn't the fact that i couldn't get tickets that made me cut, it was an excuse so I could take the easy way out, but why can't I stop?
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