I Try, To Only Look at You

So you all know the song "Only Look at Me," right? No? Go look it up, but before that happened you have to understand, there are about 4 versions:


1. (The Original) Taeyang - Only Look at Me
2. G-Dragon - Only Look at Me Part 2
3. G-Dragon & Taeyang - Only Look at Me (Shine a light concert)
4. Minzy - Only Look at Me


And that is my problem, I LOVE ALL OF THEM. I can't possibly pick one to be my favorite. Maybe if they all did the song together, all three of them. I was actually paying attention to the lyrics for the first time, and this song is sad. 


I've been cheated on before, and I have been a cheater, so look at this song from both sides, killed me mentally. Only because, you never expect them to catch on, you believe you really love them, or that they really love you, but if either of you did, other people in this world wouldn't matter.


so think about it, which version do you like the best?

I Try, But It's Fun

The Secret Life Of An American Teenager

So, How may of you have seen this show? Come' on, we all know you have at least seen a commercial for it. I personally love this show, with a passion. I'm not rich, I don't have cable, but I have netflix and I am on season four. I'm not close to my family, but when I like something that means a lot to me they get into it also. Like BIGBANG as an example, my dad(so i hardly talk to mostly just school, okay only about school) never knew what type of music I liked or even alone one band that me and my sister didn't have in common, but then I stumbled across a boy named G-Dragon, and know not only my sister knows, but my whole family, and my brother even knows sings some parts or Knock Out or even Fantastic Baby. I got a lot of people at my school into BIGBANG, but enough about them, see everything about me is related to BIGBANG. I forgot what my point was about this post, but I really like this show, and its been a while since I've liked a show besides Korean Dramas. So my whole family knows about my oppression with this show. So I'm happy I'm opening up to my family and starting to let them know that type of things that I like. Even if it a show or a band, most amazingly perfect band in the world.

I Try, But I Don't Want To

You all know that one Kpop band Girls Generation, right? And not to long ago they had that song twinkle(Big Bang has a song called Twinkle Twinkle). Well I've never listen to it before, I really don't like their music. Its not because I like 2NE1, doesn't mean I can't like Girls Generation, but I just do not like their music.


So when that song came out a guy(that I like) told me he heard it, because he thought I liked every band that had to do with Kpop. I was really happy, the I was like ewww, but I can't judge them, because I've never heard the song or seen the music video. Although I really hope it isn't like the "The Boys", where there was no boys in the music video, I got my hopes up for nothing.


So this is where the weird thing comes, I don't like SNSD, but I adore Yonna.
Only because she was in the show "You are My Destiny." OmJI did I love that show. I don't like her as much as I like Gummy, CL, or even Dara, but more the Bom... I like Bom, but it's confusing.
Maybe in a couple of years I try giving SNSD another chance, but come on I'm not an anti-fan, I think they're doing great for themselves, and could do with a person like me, plus I don't even like SM entertainment...
enough said

I Try to Stop, But I Just Can't

So, I'm sure everyone knows about 2NE1's tour? Am I right? I live in L.A. and I can't go to their showing here. I have no money. I was saving money to get a good seat for BIGBANG's, but I feel sad that I can't go to 2NE1s. I really wish I could go, but I can't. 

So this is where my problem starts. I cut. I haven't in a while, but I cried when I found out i couldn't get them. My sister, Dad, even grandma tried to get them for me, but I wasn't satisfied. I felt as if they didn't try hard enough. and what did I do, I sat back and expected that they should have gotten them.

I became sick with myself. How did I let it get to me? Sure my sister was also sad, she is a big fan of them, but we didn't have the money.

That night, i grabbed the first thing that was sharp, and cut myself. You see I've always been careful to hide the cuts, but these were deep and on my legs, so now its the summer and I have to hide them, while wearing pants and my family thinks I'm crazy. 

I didn't mean for this to happen it just did, since when did I start being so greedy. I never kept my hopes up or even thought that I would be able to see my idols ever. Now I feel as if I don't deserve to see them, that this is my punishment. And my scars will be the proof. I don't want to go through the same thing with BIGBANG.

So, now I wish I can put that to my past, but I know it will take a while. A person can't recover over night, but I can't do it. I'm making excuses, I have five new cuts since that day, but I know it isn't the fact that i couldn't get tickets that made me cut, it was an excuse so I could take the easy way out, but why can't I stop?

I Try, But I Can't

You do not understand how much I wish to fuck this guy. This picture just makes me so fucken hot. I've always wanted him, I know I said that TOP is my bias, but if I Jiyong in person. I'd try to make him mine in a heartbeat.

Fucken Tease 

I Try to Like Other Music

I'm not going to lie guys, I'm VERY bias when it comes to kpop group. I only like groups from the YG company. The only two that aren't are C.N. Blue and Miss A.

I promise I won't make this Blog another fan blog, but you got to admit, They are the best.

I Try To Write

My style of writing is amateur. Sure I've been writing for 2 years, but that's it. I haven't tried in any way to test my limits. So my writing is the same. I've tried writing fluff and smut, but i fail hopelessly. So maybe I will try here ... testing my limits.

iPod Shuffle Challenge [Drabbles]

The rules are

•     Pick any character, fandom, or pairing you like
•     Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle
•     Write a fic related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble. You start when the song starts, and stop when it’s over. No lingering afterwards!
•     Do ten of these and post them.

1. She’s Gone - G-Dragon

Its been a few nights now. I feel happier with out him. Maybe this new relationship with Seunghyun is for the best. Jiyong always said he loved me but started coming home around 4am, the love was slowly leaving and Seunghyun was there to pick me up. But now Jiyong says he wants me back, and says he will do anything to get me back. anything  I shouldn’t be scared though right? Seunghyun is here for me now, although he doesn’t know that Jiyong use to hit and slap me around when he was drunk, or just mad, he would even sometimes bring random girls home to show me that I wasn’t good enough. I shouldn't be scared right? But now I'm walking back home, its about 11 pm. Maybe to day I shouldn't have asked for another shift. Walking around late at night isn't good for girls like me. 

2. Of all Days - T.O.P

It happened again I saw here. I can do this I tell myself.  We are strangers,  again. Maybe she wont notice me through all this rain. Maybe she just walk by. Wait is that someone holding her hand? I can do this I can do this, I reminded myself, I'm alright. Just walk by as if our love never existed. Right? Well maybe to her its just that easy but to me it isn't? I can feel it in the air this awkwardness. She saw me. I can do this just walk by ...

And like that she’s out of my life again.

3. A Good Man - Big Bang

I am a good man right?  I let you go, made sure that now all your pain and suffer are all gone now, because of me. I wouldn't be a good man if I didn’t do that right? I’m drunk again. Talking to your machine asking why you don’t answer back. I hate myself for letting you go so easily. I could have sucked up my pride and tried a little hard but no I didn't want to let my pride down as a man. Now all I can do is worry about you. Are you sleeping right? Not drinking to much alcohol? You should be fine, Better than me, I bet. But if wasn't a bad man we wouldn’t have met, Right? But if I was a good man you wouldn't have left me

4. Dear T.V. - Tablo

T.v. now a days. Its not as big as the internet but people still cant seem to be with out it. If it wasn't for the t.v. we maybe have never met. When ever we date there’s always a t.v. around. Never once have you said you like them. When I go to your house you have one but it seem more like if it was only for company. Now I don’t know how I feel about the t.v. It ruins people images, makes them better but worst of all. Its what made us break up.

5. Heart Skips a Beat - Lenka

It happened again I saw you and I swear everything went in slow motion. I tried to be alone, maybe I could forget you if I don’t see you. But it gets worse I just play scenarios of us, in my head. People think I’m going crazy, but I could never tell them about you. They’d make fun of me for, Loving someone. It isn't that bad right? Even though your with her, I could still love you right? But then why did you come over last night and say you loved me, even though she’s in the picture? You said don’t worry ill fix it. And I trusted you All because of this stupid heart. It only skips a beat for you and I always forget that little voice in that back of my head. 

6. Because He’s a Man - Gummy

I though maybe you’d be different even though we met by accident, I thought it was love at first sight for you too. You ask me out, we went on dates, then you asked me to be your girlfriend. It was perfect. We moved in together, and I couldn't ask for anything more. We’re we moving to fast? It maybe have seemed like that for other people but you didn't mind right?

That’s what I thought

When your sister got pregnant I thought maybe you’d want to got to the next step, but when you saw me with that wedding magazine and got cold feet. Why did you leave? If we were going too fast why didn't you say anything. It takes two, to be in a relationship. I would have understood, but now I’m here crying. With only a note left in my had and I cant stop reading the last line “Maybe its because I’m a man, but I cant do this anymore.”

7. In Club - 2ne1

I don’t know what time it is, I don’t know what club I’m at I just want to forget you. It was too much for me to handle. Why did you have to be like rest? I gave you everything I could have, and I thought you did, too. But nope that was another lie. I just want to forget everything. So for just tonight I wont be me. I’ll be someone else and give this random stranger my everything. I’ll pretend he’s you while we go through all these sweaty bodies. While he walks me up to his room, and takes it, What I thought I’d only give you. But it seem so easy for you to give that to someone else. I just wished everything that had to do with you was gone.

Never happened

The fun times, promises, and you yourself, I wish they were out my life. So for the third time this week I go to a club.

8. Face Down - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

How did it feel huh? You hit me again why? Because I’m not good enough for you.I thought maybe if I acted nicer and looked prettier you’d give me some of that love.

But no I’m still nothing to you. 

A piece worth nothing to you. 

But why do I cover up all the things you to me with lies. I’m not scared of you, I don’t love you anymore.

I've have enough.

I want out

That’s what I’ll do. 

But when you come home. And tell me your sorry. I feel like pitying you. I don’t want to leave you. But the cycle just continues...

9. Now That We’re Down - Meteor Station 

Its over, I cant hold you anymore. I can't tell you I love you. I can't call you now without a reason. Because I cheated and you pretend like it was nothing.Why didn't you mad, yell? And didn't try to stop me when I broke up with you . I know your feeling 100 times worse than me. Around people you fake it and pretend that its okay that were over. But is it really me who cant get over you.

You moved on already.

And you seemed happy.

A happy you never were around me. Did I really make you that miserable? So I call you last night. You didn't really want to talk, you seemed annoyed? No only I get annoyed of you. But then why am I saying sorry, and that I miss you 

And why are you hanging up .

10. Chao Xi Huan Ni (I Really Like You) - Fahrenheit

I think I’m in love. I cant forget about you. Your always in my mind. When I’m trying to sleep, eating, or even hanging out with other girls its always you. But we aren't suppose to be together. They say we cant it’s a disgrace to our family. I only want to be with you though. I thought about us running away and living a happy life, but do you feel the same? I’ve prayed night after night for us to be together .And finally you agreed, we’ll leave to a place where no one knows us. A place where we can happily love each other 

Stop By, Say Hello

http://bigbang-imnida.tumblr.com

If you want to check it out, I use it too much and can't really express myself that much on tumblr, because somethings led to another, which made a lot of my "friends" find my blog and I don't wish for them to "Judge Me."